Anger and sufficiency

Since my diagnosis, the emotion that I have been struggling with the most is anger. I hate being angry, but find it incredibly difficult to control. And typically the thing that makes me angry is when things are ok, but not good ENOUGH. Anger is consuming my life, and makes it hard to appreciate the many good things I have. My wife and children are immense blessings to me, but I still find myself losing patience with them, and (surprise, surprise) I get angry with myself for not having better self-control. Letting go is what I need to focus upon, and accepting that enough is enough. Just because things do not always go the way we want them to, life is still pretty ok. And there's no excuse for ingratitude.

My sons

I'm lying next to my sleeping child, and am overcome with feelings of love for him. Not too long ago, he sat up, still mostly asleep, but alarmed that he was in an unfamiliar place. I said to him, don't worry, dad is here. To this, he replied in a fairly typical fashion, don't worry daddy, wooyam (his best estimate at his name) is here. I wonder if my Heavenly Father ever looks upon me with the same immense swelling of joy and happiness that filled me as I watched my son return to his sleep. And it also occurs to me that perhaps I should have more cause than my son to rest as peacefully and secure in the knowledge that my Father is watching me too.